“It might be said that it is the ideal of the employer to have production without employees and the ideal of the employee is to have income without work.”
After hiring (and firing) my first employee this quarter, I thought it might be helpful to share some things I learned throughout the journey. This may be helpful for employees and employers alike. Or it might just be me venting to no one in particular but this is what we’re doing today so let’s roll.
1. If you ask a potential hire if there are any red flags you should be made aware of, and they kind of awkwardly laugh, walk away.
2. If in your initial interview with a potential hire, you ask why they were fired from their last job and they kind of awkwardly laugh and mention “something about statutes of limitations”, why yes, walk away.
3. If you mention having regular, predictable office hours, and your new employee is late the first day, and every subsequent day after, you should say something about it, but then after three consecutive months of it, walk away.
4. If your new employee bemoans their lack of ability to purchase health, car, dental, life, or any other type of presumably valuable insurance, but smokes two packs of cigarettes a day, you should consider this entire sequence one giant, blinking red flag for which only one remedy remains: walk away.
5. If, after several conversations with your employee about communicating and/or not showing up for work, and/or work not being completed to your satisfaction, said employee doesn’t show up for work one day, and then when you casually text them to see, you know, if they’re coming in to work, and they call you in a fit of cursing rage, accuse you of being the reason they’re broke, while they presumably are smoking a cigarette, and then accuse you of being on drugs, and then you finally tell them not to come back anymore, yet they still inexplicably assume they still have a job there, so you send them a termination letter and THEN they start with the emails about you stealing from people and being lazy-slash-incompetent-slash-unethical, you can only look yourself in the eyes and regret every day you didn’t just walk away.